I wish that right now God could grant me a little more insight into his plans. For this divorce, for my career/school, and for Zen. It all feels very up-in-the-air right now, and it is hard. But I suppose that when there is nothing to grasp onto, it is God's way of teaching me to trust totally in him. It is hard. I like the idea of being in control, of knowing the route that life will take, and of having some say. This is possibly the greatest exercise of faith I have ever had to take, and I find myself wishing I could trade it off for something else. Instead of these things that are so important and consequential, if he could just take those things that seem somewhat irrelevant, if I could know what is going to happen with the big things in my life, I would feel safer. But it is all the little things, those inconsequential ones, that it seems he has left for me.
(It is just hard, being in the passenger seat all of a sudden)
Happy Easter to all!!
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