We just got the pictures back that they took for the church directory. My little boy is growing up...

My Little Artist!!

Zen drew this picture of a slug for me today. I am so proud of his artistic development. It makes an art mom proud. Today we are headed to the graphics lab at Centennial so he can continue learning how to screen print and use the light table and all that fun stuff. He always has a good time. Yesterday he even got to do the squeegee and put the paint on to what we were working on.

I can see me in him a lot when it comes to art. And I want to be careful to let art be fun and expressive for him, which means sometimes I have to back off a little bit. Instead of trying to teach him everything, I need to let him play, experiment, and learn on his own. Which is not my natural inclination.

Anyway, we are well. Looking forward to Thanksgiving. We are having a dinner Friday at our house for all of our friends, and then going up to Grandpa Crackerboy's for dinner on the actual Thanksgiving.

We love you all and hope you are doing well.

Halloween Part 1

They had afternoon trick-or-treating in historic downtown. We went with our closest family friends. Tonight we are planning on trick-or-treating around Pueblo West. New update probably tomorrow...

I'm a slacker...

I am sorry that it has been so long since my last post. I will try to do better at keeping you guys abreast of the activities of our lives. So, until I get home and can post pictures, here are a couple Zen-sayings to keep you entertained:

"Mom, when are you going to get over this brush-your-teeth concept? It's like EVERY DAY!"

"I don't need to sleep in my own bed, because only I know how to fight the monsters when you get scared."

"I love you Mom, you are my bestest mom in our whole world!" "Thank you Zen! You are the best son in the whole world!" "I know."

"I love you Mom but Halloween is way more importanter than your birthday, so we can do it another time"

(Directed at the cashier at Hollywood Video, in reference to a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie he picked out) "They are my girlfriends. Both of them. I'm big so I get 2."

I don't know that's all I can remember for now. Recent posts and pictures coming. Love you all!!!

More old videos

I like to stop and be nostalgic sometimes. And I find that I long for homes that I remember hating, and stuff that annoyed me at the time now seems funny. I think I need to adopt the perspective of gratitude. life is stressful right now, but it has been worse. And I need to keep in the forefront of my consciousness that it will also be getting better.

So enjoy...

Farmer's Festival and the Haunted Windchimes

Early Father's Day Pictures...

June 18, 2009

To be truthful, it is very hard for me to be truthful here. I feel like I am letting all of you down. You all want so much for me, and have such high expectations, and I hate to let you know when I am not meeting them. I feel self-indulgent when I talk about it. I feel like you will think that I have had everything handed to me and wonder why I can't make it work. I feel like you will pity Zen for existing in such a scenario.

But I can't lie about it anymore. I am getting a lot of help. In fact, right now me entire household is supported by my parents. However, it is more than getting the bills paid. There are big issues here. Issues that keep me up at night.

Zen's last stay in the hospital was 8 days. For three of those days he had to be on 15 liters of oxygen. His little body never recovers to 100% and every time he has an attack, itmakes it harder for him to fight the next one. Ben has started keeping his clothes again, indicating that they are again smoking heavily around him. Last time he was in, his nurse told me that I had to do something, or this would kill him. I have nothing that I can do legally. I am having to be sneaky, I am trying to get him on unrelated criminal behavior. And it is making me a person I don't like.

I wake up lately feeling like a waste of oxygen, grateful for my caretaking duties for Zen because they justify my existence. But beyond that, I have no patience, I am not happy, and wish somtimes to just take Zen and run away. Run away where nobody canreach us, and nobody will know how bad I've messed everything up.

Sorry for the lack of post last night, you get 2 today!!

I will post again tonight as if I hadn't made up for yesterday this morning.

Video Blog June 15, 2009

When Zen was young...

Zen is getting so big so fast, and it was nice today to take a break and remember how it was when he was little...

Our Garden

This is the garden that we have on our back porch of our apartment. The video was taken on the tail end of when Zen was in the hospital so it is a couple weeks old now, but you will get the picture.

We have carrots, green beans, lettuce, peas, radishes, tomatoes, bell peppers, jalepenos, spinach, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, basil, cilantro, oregano,chives, leeks, green onions, and strawberries. Zen is excited, and has numerous times eaten underdeveloped produce out of sheer eagerness to see it from seeds to tummy.

Video of Zen rocking out...

He was doing this long before I snuck up on him...

Maybe tie-dyed peas??

I have never seen a pea plant with pink and purple blooms before...
(small blessings) **I wonder what the peas will taste like**

What a guy!!

It's always lucky to have Zen around if you get locked in a castle dungeon guarded by invisible bad guys!!!


We went camping in a secluded part of san Isabel forest, pretty close to Bishop's castle. It was Zen's first camping trip. We went with my friends Aaron and Lynette, and their son (Zenny's best buddy) Jonathan, and Auntie Velvet. Here are a couple pictures, I have more if you want them.

for a minute...

Sorry for the lapse in blog posts, or returned phone calls. I am alive (although barely), and will resume the intrinsic tasks related to being alive soon.

It is finals week, in addition to being the week before graduation. School, homework, and working are dominating my time, (poor Zenny) but I miss you all.

Any time you have to pray would be much appreciated. I just did pretty poorly on an 8am final today. I went to sleep around 2am after trying to get my papers done, and intended to get up at 5 to study. However, my alarm didn't go off. The rest is history.

I love you all, and cannot wait to be done!!

I hope my boyfriend don't mind it...

So, 2 new jobs, school, and Zen... so in lieu of a real entry I will leave you instead with some webcam fascination... xoxo

Random silliness

(Scene takes place while driving home from Awanas)
Zen: "Hey Mom, push the present button."
Me: "Push the what?"
Zen: "The birthday present button. The button on the car that gives you a birthday present."
Me: "Sweetie, I am sorry, but our car doesn't have a birthday present button."
Zen: "I can see it, Mom! Please push the present button."
Me: "Honey, there is NO present button in our car."
Zen: "Can you push the painting button then?"




>


Dinosaur muffins for breakfast, a field trip to go rollerskating with school, and being silly waiting to pick Auntie Velvet up from school. It was a good day yesterday...

Reason Number 10 Million Why It Needs To Be April

I NEED MY KITCHEN BACK!!!
Granted I love waking up to my new baby plants every morning, but if I could do that AND make breakfast it would be divine! I am getting the other planters in here soon, and will have the place for them to go. The weather is getting warmer, and you can feel the change in the air (and see it in local garden centers).

Zen gets excited to show people our garden and to count all the new sprouts for them, and tell them what they are. We are going to have tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, spinach, carrots, radishes, grean beans, sugar snap peas, strawberries, herbs, and various flowers. I am thinking about throwing some vine-growing berries in the planter with the lattice, too. I am excited for the amount of savings on fresh produce that we'll see come this summer. Zen is excited to grow things in our garden, and to use his Happy Farm garden set.

Don't get me wrong, warmer weather in and of itself is welcome, but to have that part of my home settled in is going to be nice.

Our home

This is mostly for Mom, but if any of you are interested, here are some pictures of my house. We just got one of the 3 planters installed on our back porch to ready ourselves for the coming of Spring (and planting season). We did end up getting a new couch, dining table, click-clack, and coffee table, and a really decent quantity discount on all of them (We ended up spending as much for all of them as the price of the table originally. Combined with member discounts and coupons). So my house is really a place that feels like home now. So, for all of you that are not in a place to be able to come visit me, here's the photo tour...






I will put some up of everyone's bedrooms later this week (hopefully). The uploader would only let me put up 5 on one post. So I decided to stick with the common (which means cleaner) areas of the house. I love it though, because this home has hit that critical point where it feels all of a sudden like your own home, and where you are at peace there. I mean, I am sure I will add and change things consistently, but without Ben, and now having more furniture that i have chosen than hand-me-downs, and my things being kept nice, it is finally feeling like my own home. And that is so refreshing!!

Surprise!! It's the 80's!!

So, last Sunday I threw a surprise birthday party for one of my best friends. It turned out pretty awesome actually. We had a good crowd, and people had a good time.

However, 3 washes later, I still have crimps in parts of my hair.

And I started school this Monday, and I think I am going to like the calm of this semester. I am glad to be graduating, but could use prayers for the job hunt, though.
I am sure I will be fine. Zen is back in school too, and started Awanas last Wednesday. He is doing well, and remembering his verses. He tells me every time we get in the car, and it melts my heart.

It is starting to warm up here (with the exception of the fog right now), and I feel generally good. My house is clean and beautiful, and I am ready to start this season's plantings already. We are going to have a sizable (for an apartment) vegetable and flower garden, and I cannot wait...

I miss you all, but for the first time in a long time, I am happy in my home and in my life. Maybe, Joanie and Brian and Mom should all win their respective lottos and come visit me...

I love you guys!!