Ch-ch-ch- changes!

So a lot has been going on lately, and I am sorry that I have let my posts lapse so much (seeing as how this is our primary mode of keeping up with eachother).

Anyway, I graduate this spring, with a BA in Art and a BS in Criminology (I know that one seems kindof out of left field to some of you). But in order to do that, I have pretty heavy courseloads (21 credit hours this semester, and 18 next). It is mostly the remainder of my Criminology classes, and I expect I will be just fine. But it does cramp my time quite a bit. I have my forensic medicine class on Wednesday night, so I am not able to attend the Bible study that is at my church this semester. However, I got involved with Campus Crusade and they have a weekly Bible study that does fit in my schedule, and I also started discipleship with a woman from my church, so I think I will still meet my quota. ;)

So, other than that I (and my closet) have been undergoing some pretty drastic changes. For a long time I felt really in-between, like I was no longer in a place where I could relate to teenagers, or childless people my age, and I felt that I was too young to be accepted in the little group of moms from Zen's preschool. I dresssed in a way that was not flattering (and resulted in a great detriment to my self-esteem) and was still clinging to this teenager type style. I had to pick, and I had to reevaluate who I am, and what I want to represent to the world. And it was hard, but I gave away all of my "teeenager" clothes, and the clothes that I wore before I was pregnant, and that I won't ever fit into again. I gave away things that I kept becasue I thought they were cute, but not flattering on me (and that did not make me feel pretty or confident). And I am slowly replacing my wardrobe with pants that sit slightly higher, shirts that are a bit less tight, and pieces that are pretty, and make me feel confident, and that let me shine through.

I guess I had felt that it was either dress like a teenager, or dress like an old lady. And I am starting to discover that I can dress respectably, comfortably, and in a way that honors myself and God, and still look good, and feel good about my appearance. Really this has been a very big change on the outside, but the bigger shift is definitely going on inside. God is doing so much work in me right now, and I have no idea where it is going, but I feel blessed that this evolution is happening so quickly that I can be aware of the changes that are going on. I can feel such a large emotional shift, and so much being done to evovle me into the person that I need to be in God. I am a grown-up now, and it is something that gives me a lot of joy, and I can see how recently that has been the case.

Zen is doing well, he has a attitude lately, and I don't quite know how to combat it. My weapons of choice are respect and consistency. He is sarcastic, and pretty passive-aggressive (when he is not outright screaming-agressive). And I think that I am so lucky that I have God now, becasue I can see how my reactions (before God) would have been detrimental, and I am able to be more patient, and more aware of myself, and more clear on my expectations of him. I don't think I could have survived this stage without my faith, and without God. Also, his half-brother was born on August 28, his name is Ty Lee Sprague. And just pray that I can work through my emotions regarding that to be able to behave Christian-ly in that situation. Ben and Ty's mom aren't together, and I have not heard anything positive about the state of their relationship. And I feel a lot of resentment, and frustration, and I have a lot of negative emotions toward all involved in that whole mess. I know it is not this baby's fault, and I have nothing but sympathy for him, but I have not been able to give it to God yet. For some reason, I am hanging on to this, and letting it mess with me more than it should. And that isn't good for anybody.

I love you all, but need to get back to homework!!
(I will post a recent picture here soon)
Happy Grandparents Day!!